Imbalanced Leaders

Our guest on Brainstorms this week is Martha Mertz, the founder of ATHENA International, an organization devoted to advancing women leaders and encouraging their development.

Martha offers a different viewpoint about the genesis of some of problems of modern day leadership. In particular, our leaders, and indeed ourselves, are working only at half power. We neglect to incorporate one important aspect of ourselves: the feminine.

Because we tend to lead from a masculine mind-set and model, we leave behind half of our capabilities. We often think of leadership as very active, driven and aggressive. However, feminine qualities of leadership are also of value. These include patience, observation, and deep listening.

But, it’s these very qualities that are often neglected, and even rejected.

When you look at your own leadership style, what do you see? Do you find yourself acting from a place of masculine energy or do you find yourself able to incorporate both the masculine and feminine? What does it look like when you do? What does your leadership look like when you don’t? Let us know!

 

How to Save a Life

Our guest a few weeks ago was Dr. Xavier Amador, clinical psychologist and contributing psychologist to the recent PBS series, “This Emotional Life.”

My conversation with Dr. Amador was quite personal. Those of you who know me well know that I’ve dealt with the consequences of mental health throughout my life. A few of my family members have dealt with some of the psychoses we cover in the interview.

I could write volumes about those experiences, but actually I want to write about an experience I had with someone recently who was deep into the valley of despair. This experience is important to me for a number of reasons, but it is also relevant because I was able to apply Dr. Amador’s LEAP model. And it was because of this model that I was able to truly help this friend.

In conversation with this friend, I found out that he was close to suicide. In fact, he had considered it seriously. This terrified me. But instead of focusing on my own concerns, I put into practice the LEAP model. I listened and I repeated back his biggest concerns. Then I empathized, letting him know that I understood what he was dealing with. But the best part was that I was able get him to focus and Agree and Partner on what could actually be done. Rather than allowing him to focus on the a future filled with despair, I was able to get him to set his sights on what to do that very day.

I was able to get him to agree to take time off, to meet with a trusted boss, and to contact his therapist. Then, we found him a safe, comfortable place so he could begin to heal.

When I think about the coaching model that I would have typically used, I know, without a doubt, that I would not have been of value to my friend.

I can’t encourage you enough to learn about Dr. Amador’s LEAP model. You’ll never know when this might come in handy in your own life.

 

Who Cares for the Caregiver?

Our guest this week on Brainstorms is Gary Barg, founder and publisher of Caregiver Magazine and creator of caregiver.com.

Gary is one of those people who acts as a scout for all of us. Fifteen years ago, he was put in the position of caregiver for his ailing grandmother. Since then he’s made it a practice to share what he’s learned about caregiving; what it means, how it affects us, and how it affects others. He’s also found tips and techniques that truly help.

How many of you are caring for an elderly relative or for a special needs child? Do you consider yourself a caregiver? In our interview, Gary talked about the importance of claiming that title, of recognizing that you are indeed a caregiver — along with everything else you are.

Once you admit your status as caregiver, then it becomes possible for you to make room for the role. It also makes it easier for you to seek out support for yourself. Who cares for you while you care for others? I’d love to know.

 

Why are you here?

Our guest this week has been Richard Leider, author of “The Power of Purpose” among other books. I remember meeting him years ago when I worked with Arthur Andersen. It was then that I began to realize my own life “purpose.” Richard worked with Victor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of the life changing, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” With Victor, Richard was put on a path to show others a path to their own life purposes.

There’s a quick kind of game that coaches sometimes use in helping a client define what their purpose is. It relies on the use of metaphor, and it goes like this: I am the _____________ that ____________________. It’s important that the second blank addresses what it is you give to others. Here are some that may inspire you:

“I am the metalsmith that brings magic to the village.” (Historically, a metalsmith lived on the outskirts of the village. His work was often considered magic; ie, how does one create such things out of rock?
“I am the scout that moves forward and returns bringing insight to others.”
“I am the conductor that gathers the best talent to make beautiful music out of life.”
“I am the explorer who goes where no one else will or is able to.”

What’s your purpose statement? Write back and let us know!

 

The Hard Lessons

Our guest on Brainstorms this week is John Camp, author of “Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger.” (Great title!) John writes, not only about his adventures as an investigative reporter, but about his personal journey through alcoholism and back.

Ok, sounds a little like a downer, but really, it’s not. John’s story is emblematic of so many others. Whether it’s Tiger Woods dealing with his addictions, or friends dealing with old, unhealthy life stories, there are lessons we can learn. One of the big lessons, is about learning to let go. Because it is through release of control that we can make a hard lesson easier.

We get in our own way. And it is that resistance, that pushing back against what is, that makes it so hard.

When was the last time you finally relented and let go? What happened? How did the hard lesson suddenly become so easy for you? Write and let me know!

 

Beyond Reason

Caroline Myss’ new book is “Defy Gravity: Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason.” She is my guest this week on Brainstorms with M. Nora Klaver on www.webtalkradio.net.

Caroline’s book is fabulous, and there is a particular concept or belief explained in the book that I learned myself a few years back. It is that some things in life defy logical explanation. There are times when I struggle to help other understand that life and its circumstances can’t always be explained — at least not explained through conventional, scientific, logical means.

The fact that we live, with consciousness, is something that I view as beyond all logic. How can a collection of chemicals and proteins become sentient? There is no reasonable explanation. But perhaps, there is a spiritual one.

Prior to the 1600’s, scientists and clergy were one. The spiritual and logical were not mutually exclusive. It wasn’t until the great schism of the Catholic Church that science and spirituality went separate ways. Since then, we have become enamored of all things logical. Unfortunately, we have lost sight of our spiritual halves.

How do you use spirit to explain your life? How do your beliefs provide a “reason” for your existence. Write me back and let me know!

 

The Body Never Lies

Our guest on Brainstorms this week is Zen DeBrucke (isn’t her name cool?). Zen is the founder of the Smart Soul Academy (www.smartsoulacademy.com) which is dedicated to helping people use their own Internal Guidance Systems. Zen has studied the physical reactions our bodies make to our thoughts. She’s found a way to help us read those reactions so we know when situations, decisions and perspectives are truly right for us.

I’ve known for years that the body doesn’t lie. If we sit down, shut up, and stay quiet for a few minutes, we will find the answers to many of our questions. It’s just that our bodies are in constant motion, never pausing. And even if we drop from exhaustion, our minds continue to race. “Listening” to and “hearing” the physical sensations and cues of our own Internal Guidance System will save us much anguish.

The body doesn’t lie. In fact, it is impossible for our bodies to fabricate a story. That’s partly what we use our minds for. Unfortunately, many of our personal stories are misleading and harmful. The body knows this, but the fear in our minds won’t let us listen to the truth. Instead, we suffer “monkey mind” constant, repetitive stories that do not serve us.

Getting beyond the noise in our heads is easier than most people realize. Years ago, I had a client who begged me to help him find a way to peace. Every morning before work, he found himself sitting on the floor of the shower, just letting the water run over him. His body was already telling him what to do: sit down, shut up and let the water do its work. He’d already begun to find the peace he craved.

What has your body compelled you to do? How has it spoken to you in the past? What are the messages it is trying to send you now?

 

Law of Attraction with Michael Losier

Michael Losier, author of “The Law of Attraction, Getting More of What You Do Want and Less of What You Don’t”, was gracious enough to be my guest on Brainstorms. Michael has created a fabulous life for himself. And he credits much of it due to The Law of Attraction.

I think my best LoA experience was also one of my worst. Years ago, I had a terrible business year. I couldn’t sell work for the life of me. I barely made enough money to get by. I was miserable all year, focusing only on what I didn’t have! At the end of December, I found myself in tears, without hope for the future. After my little breakdown, I finally got it. The LoA was at work! Because I was focused on the lack in my life, the LoA just brought me more!

This experience begs the questions: To whom or what do you credit most of your success? Does this “key success factor” (as we say in business) apply to all aspects of your life, or just one? What were your best Law of Attraction experiences?

 

What’s Your Epiphany?

I love the word epiphany. Not only does it roll off the tongue, but it sounds lovely, like soft bells.

I also love the idea of epiphanies. Not just the religious overtones, though those are quite nice. Nothing like having three wise men show up on your porch bearing gifts. (Doesn’t exactly describe my personal life…but there ya go.) I also like the breathtaking quality of epiphanies, where a new way of looking at something just takes your breath away.

It’s easy to remember our epiphanies, too. Recently, the fog in my brain cleared up enough for me to see how lucky I am, how blessed I am. It happened when I was standing out in the dark and cold, waiting for my dog to do her stuff. It hit me that it was a terrible night to be out and alone, and that there were people who were going to sleep outside that night. I sent up a little prayer for them and the clarity that colors all epiphanies opened in me.

What is your favorite or most recent epiphany? Share them and we just may create a segment on Brainstorms!

 

Hello world!

Our first Brainstorms! Yay! With a brilliant guest, Joe Sarti, aka Fitness Joe.

As you listen to the episode you’ll notice that Joe brings all sorts of different elements and philosophies to his work as a physiologist. It’s fascinating stuff considering I came from a place and time when work outs were to be avoided.

My first experiences with exercise took place at school. We didn’t have a gymnasium so we used to walk a quarter of a mile to the local high school and use their facilities. What was really worse was we didn’t actually have anyone who was an experience PE instructor, even though Mrs. Nichols sure did try her best. However, what she considered athletic fun was a bit corny, ie barn dancing. We sure could work up a sweat, but country music didn’t rock our worlds back in the early 70’s. And then there were the sit-ups on the hard maple floor. I’m pretty sure I bruised my spine doing those nasty things.

All of this was pre-Title IX. (I was speaking with a 20-something recently and he was completely ignorant of Title IX — which is really a good thing, I guess!) There was no expectation that the girls would be interested in any kind of sports. I think that this set me back quite a bit. It wasn’t until my adult years when I finally experienced how much fun working out, running, and simply playing could be.

What was your experience? How did your childhood PE classes affect your attitude toward the physical?